What I’m really scared of

With my biopsy approaching I’m filled with so many different emotions. I thought I would be indifferent about it, I usually am when I’m scared of something. I try to hide it.
The other night I was in the bed with my 3 year old by my side (yes she still sleeps with me from time to time) and I started to cry. I was picturing me kissing her as I went in the doctor’s office, trying to be strong for her. The truth is I’m not afraid of cancer, I’m afraid of not being able to take care of my children.
I’m not much help right now. I’m so tired all the time, I’m depressed, my hair is falling out and I’m in constant pain, thanks to my thyroid. It’s hard to make it through the day let alone be one of those “have it all together” moms. Some days are great but most of the time I’m just wishing I could sleep.
I’m nervous about the biopsy because I really don’t know what to expect. And IF there is cancer…what’s going to happen? My husband isn’t here to help, we have 2 girls, and all of our pets that need my attention. I haven’t talked about it much with anyone because I’m scared. I haven’t admitted I’m scared, or that I’ve cried about it. It’s overwhelming and I’m kind of paralyzed until I get the results.

“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.” -Buddha

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